


Detective Mukumuku: Mystery Meat

by Team_Two_Cats



Series: Detective Mukumuku (Suikoden II) [1]
Category: Suikoden, Suikoden II
Genre: AU, Anthropomorphic, Horror, M/M, Mystery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-14 23:45:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18062486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Team_Two_Cats/pseuds/Team_Two_Cats
Summary: When chief Shiro catches wind that something strange might be going on with the meat served in Hai Yo's restaurant, he puts his best man...er...flying squirrel on the job: Detective Mukumuku. What he expects to be a straightforward investigation, however, turns out to be anything but when he and his partner, Kinnison, stumble onto something magical...and dark. What's a hardboiled detective to do when faced with furious sheep, pervy snitches, and a secret so twisted there's no amount of mental bleach that can wash it clean?





	Detective Mukumuku: Mystery Meat

**Author's Note:**

> Totally blaming this on my partner, who wanted to know how the farm animals can be used in the restaurant without actually using them in the game (they never leave the field where Yuzu watches them). Note: canonically Yuzu actually is okay with the animals being used for meat, but I'm tweaking that because it still doesn't answer where Hai Yo is getting his meat from. Also just my apologies all around, this one is kinda messed up. I have a love of Mukumuku and thought he'd make a great detective, and siding him with everyone's favorite archer-twink seemed appropriate. Also if you really like Richmond or Nina I'm extra sorry but also worry for you.

“Wait, wait, you’re going to have to explain that again,” Muku says, taking another drag on his cigarette. Beside him, Kinnison stands, notepad in hand, mouth hanging open.

“Yuzu would not hurt friends!” Yuzu says. She strikes one small fist on Taro’s horn. The sheep stomps a foot in warning, his eyes burning with barely contained fury.

“Okay, no, we get that part,” Muku says. “But...these animals. They’re raised for...” He considers what might happen if he reveals the role of livestock to a small child on a pissed off sheep. “Err...tell her what they’re used for, Kinni.”

Kinnison’s eyes go wide and he places the notebook in front of his face and shakes his head quickly.

“Muku, we can’t!”

Muku rolls his eyes. Kids. What the chief saw in him Muku couldn’t understand.

“Fine,” he says. He takes a long drag before dropping the cigarette on the ground and expertly snuffing it with his shoe. “Listen, what I mean is that Hai Yo uses meat in his dishes, right? And he sources that meat from you, right?”

Muku couldn’t give two fucks about this “case,” but apparently the chief had heard some whispers about something untoward going on with the farm animals. And when the chief was a wolf who could bite you in half, you didn’t argue once the growling started.

“Yuzu cares for the animals,” she says for about the hundredth time. “Friends are not for eating.”

“But—”

“Detective?” Kinnison asks, breaking Muku’s argument. And people wonder why he smokes.

“What is it?!” The kid might have an ass that got the chief drooling, but he was far too lanky for Muku’s tastes and making excellent progress to giving him the mother of all migraines.

“Uh...there are only three cows,” Kinnison says.

Muku blows a raspberry.

“Great, you can count,” he says. “And here I thought being raised in a forest meant you missed your schooling.”

Not that Muku should talk, having also attended Some Trees in the Woods High School.

“I mean, there have _always_ been three cows. Lord Riou only bought three.”

Muku’s eyes narrowed and he caught himself looking back out at the pen and counting the fucking cows. Sure enough, one, two, three.

“What the fuck?”

“Bad word!” Yuzu says, and this time Taro lowers his head and takes a step toward Mukumuku.

“Sorry, sorry,” Muku says, raising his hands. But he has to look again. Three fucking cows. “Didn’t Hai Yo make Kobold Burgers yesterday?”

Kinnison checks his notebook and nods.

“And beef stew the day before that.”

Muku turns back to Yuzu only to find Taro directly in front of him, snorting steam.

“Thanks for your time,” Muku says, and quickly steps away.

Kinnison looks ready to argue but Muku waves him on. No use questioning Yuzu about it—she obviously didn’t know anything, and Taro wasn’t talking. The only thing they’d get by sticking around was the shit kicked out of them by a sheep while a little girl watched. Not his idea of a good time. Muku hated to admit it, but something about this stank. Which meant he had a date with a piece of shit.

*******

“Richmond!” Muku yells as he barged into the office of the castle’s resident snitch, which turns out is the empty storeroom behind the women’s bath.

The man, one part scruffy and three parts skeevy, jumped to his feet, eyes darting for an exist. Luckily for Muku, Kinnison had an arrow trained on the man before he could do more than stumble a step toward the window.

“Hold it right there,” Muku says, “or my partner here my forget that he’s vegetarian.”

Richmond’s head gives a small shake of confusion.

“Wait, what does—”

“We’ll be asking the questions, dirtbag,” Muku says, strolling over to where Richmond had been leaned against the wall. The remnants of a dozen holes litter the wall, though all of them have since been filled and patched. “What, we stop you before you could drill a new one?”

Richmond swallows, eyes going from Muku to Kinnison. “Hey, I mean, it’s not a crime to just be _thinking_ about what’s on the other side, right? Tetsu said he’d boil me alive if I kept messing with his bath. But a man can still _dream_.”

“Gross,” Muku says. “But lucky for you we’re not here about that. So we’ll let it slide as long as you can answer a few questions for us.”

“Look, I’m no snitch!”

“Please,” Muku says, “let’s not kid ourselves. You’re dirty, and you don’t hang out in the gutter without getting a look at what’s floating by. So let’s cut the denials and get to the point where you tell me where Hai Yo sources his meat.”

“Go fucking ask him yourself!” Richmond says, stamping his foot.

“Not on your life,” Muku says, shuddering. “That man gives me the creeps. Every time I walk by the restaurant I can feel his eyes on me like he’s imagining what garnish would go with squirrel steak. You feel like chatting up Neclord? No? I just want to know where he gets his meat, and I’m fairly certain you’re just the person who’d know.”

Richmond straightened, eyes narrowing. “I want something in return!”

“You’ll get a neat wooden bowtie if you don’t make with the details,” Muku says, nodding toward Kinnison.

“No, I want something else,” Richmond says. “I’m tired of this abuse. I wasn’t doing anything wrong, so you can’t touch me. If you want the info, you gotta pay for it.”

“Where do you think I keep my potch, genius?” Muku asks, gesturing to his own mostly-naked body. “In my cape? My shoes? Give me a break.” He did actually carry some spare potch in his cape, but fuck if he was going to give Richmond the satisfaction.

“Not potch, then,” Richmond says. “Panties. You can fly, which means you can get into—“

“Kinni, shoot him,” Muku says, and to his credit Kinnison doesn’t even hesitate, the arrow releasing smoothly and skewering Richmond’s ankle. The man tumbles to the ground, screaming.

“Now I’ll ask again.”

“The magic workshop!” Richmond shrieks. “The meat comes from the magic workshop!”

Muku frowned. Well that complicated things.

“Thanks, pal,” Muku says, turning to leave. Kinnison gives a cute little smile as he lowers his bow and heads out.

Richmond’s voice trails after them as they make their exit.

“You’ll pay for this, Mukumuku! You’re a menace, and sooner or later someone’s gonna take care of you for good!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Muku mutters as he closes the door behind them. People have been saying that for a long time, but thus far he’s stayed out of the soup. And as long as he can steer clear of Hai Yo, he’s hoping that continues.

*******

Mages. That could be a problem. The magic workshop was strictly for the magically inclined…or their guests. Which gave Muku an idea. With a quick word he instructed Kinnison to “report their progress” to the chief while Muku made his way to the big tree out by the dojo, smiling when his eyes caught a glimmer of a deeper blue against the clear sky.

With a grace that some find surprising in his round and furry form, Muku leaps into the air, gliding into the boughs of the tree, picking out a secluded enough spot and settling in. He pulls out two cigarettes and holds them in his mouth, but doesn’t both pulling out any matches.

He waits, but doesn’t have to wait long.

The fur on his arm and the back of his neck stand on end as a snap of static sizzles the air with a crack, connecting with ends of both cigarettes. He laughs and inhales as they light.

“That trick never gets old,” he says as Makumaku appears on the branch beside him, reaching over and snatching one of the cigarettes from his mouth.

“I hope you didn’t visit just because you’re out of matches again,” Maku says, puffing in quick bursts.

Muku grins, blushing a little.

“Well, I might need a bit of a favor…”

Maku rolls his eyes. “Ugh. Last time you asked for a favor I ended up covered in cake batter.”

Muku, winced, but instead of apologizing he took the cigarette from his mouth and snatched the one from Maku’s as well, placing them carefully on an adjoining branch.

“Hey, I wasn—“

Muku cut him off in a crush of lips, drawing him into a kiss, their tongues immediately sparring, wrestling. Muku pulled back.

“I don’t think you were complaining about _how_ you got covered in cake batter, though.”

He trails kisses down Maku’s chin and neck, hands playing lightly across his shoulders and down to his wrists.

“It wasn’t worth the mess, Maku says.

“Then I’ll have to be sure _this_ time is worth it.”

He keeps going, hands moving from wrists to hips, sliding around to cup Maku’s furry ass as he kisses lower still, over chest and stomach and…ah, there it is—Maku’s cock strains out against the open air from its normal hiding place. Muku’s own has slid free as well, and though he wants nothing more than to really take his time, he knows that if he lingers too much neither of them will be fit for work afterward. So he’s quick, making up for care with enthusiasm, and Makumaku does not complain.

Muku takes him in his mouth, savoring the feel of the soft skin, the warmth, the salty sweet taste. He bobs, pushing Maku back against the trunk of the tree, one hand on Maku’s thigh and the other seeing to himself, working fast and hard on his needful length.

They come within seconds of each other, the feeling of Maku’s orgasm enough to send Muku over the edge, moaning around the mouthful of cum as Maku’s hands tighten in the fur of his head. Muku swallows, pulls back, and retrieves both cigarettes, sucking on both of them as he turns and sits, his back against the trunk. Maku slides down next to him and again snatches back his cigarette.

“You’re a real brat sometimes, you know that?” he asks.

Muku shrugs.

“I need you to take me into the magic workshop,” he says. Okay, so he sucks at romance. But he gives great head, so it makes up for it, right?

Maku laughs. “Thought it was something like that. Not something that’s going to get me in trouble, is it?”

“I hope not,” Muku says. Probably just one of the mages summoning some blue gate meat and passing it off as beef, he doesn’t say.

“Fine, then,” Maku says. “But you owe me. Dinner.”

“Deal,” Muku says. “Anywhere but Hai Yo’s fucking restaurant.”

*******

The magic workshop is a secret extension on the library, naturally. Mazus practically lives there, and it’s him who Muku most suspects of whatever it is that’s going on with the meat. The guy’s just creepy. He’s got that master/apprentice sex thing going on with Crowley and hey kudos on two old queers keeping it hot but blasting apart mountains and creating deserts seems to be taking it a bit far. Conjuring up some fake meat seems almost tame in comparison.

He picks up Kinnison on the way and if the kid can tell Muku’s been sucking cock then he’s classy enough not to mention it, or else he was just doing the same thing so whatever. The three of them pass through the bullshit secret passage and are in, and okay Muku wasn’t sure what to expect but in his head it was all floating candles and ominous tables full of arcane mysteries. But no. It’s just another, even more cramped, library. Fucking mages.

“Okay, well Hai Yo is serving meatballs tonight, so whatever’s going to happen will probably happen soon.” Maku and Kinnison nod. “Any idea on where we can stake this out?”

Maku shrugs. “Not somewhere a mindful mage wouldn’t find you, but I guess if they’re distracted you could just try the cabinet. Might be cramped for you two.”

“Us two?” Muku says. “You’re not staying.”

Maku scoffs. “I got you in,” he says. “No way I’m staying around if you start pissing off magic users. I might be a member of this elusive club, but it’s not like I’m really taken seriously. You know how it is.”

Muku shruggs. He does, but he still doesn’t like the thought of being there with no magical backup. Well, there were worse things.

“Fine,” he says. “But your meal just got downgraded to a bowl of nuts.”

Maku sticks out his tongue then says, “Oh, you can put them in a bowl now?”

Kinnison snorts, and Muku glares as Maku makes his way back out and into the regular library. Sexy bastard. But he’s right about the cabinet. There’s a large one partly full of scrolls and other wizarding bullshit and it only takes Muku and Kinnison a moment to at that to the regular mess of the room and partly close the door, leaving only a slit to see through.

It’s got, and despite having just gotten off Muku can’t seem to shake the awareness of Kinnison’s body so close to his. He’s relieved when a mage glides into the room. Mazus.

“Fucking game time,” Muku mutters to himself.

He waits, eyes set on the older wizard. And okay, he’s attractive. Laugh lines that show that he’s not just about magic, and a delicate mix of neat and messy at war in his clothing and grooming. He’s the kind of lazy that comes from being good looking and not needing to try, but also wanting to seem like he cares less than he does. He moves around the room absently, picking up items and putting them down. He finds a book and, as if content, sits down to read it. Hardly nefarious.

But it has to be him. An experiment gone wrong or some new way to harvest meat from another dimension no doubt. Muku’s attention is so tuned on Mazus that he almost misses the other figure enter the room. Young, lanky, and reeking of desperation.

“What’s Nina doing here?” Muku whispers.

“She’s a mage too,” Kinnison responds.

Muku frowns. He thought she was just creepy.

“Good day, Mazus, OHOHOHO!” she says, eyes shifting around the room.

“Yes, yes,” Mazus says, not looking up from his book.

“I’ll just be…in the basement… _studying_ ,” she says.

Mazus doesn’t bother answering, just waves again and then, when she’s left and descended down a previously-concealed staircase, he stands and stretches.

“Well there goes my peace,” Mazus grumbles as he leaves back into the library.

Muku waits a moment before emerging.

“Well that was…odd,” he says. “Did Nina seem…suspicious to you at all?”

Kinnison nods and writes something down in his notebook. Probably the word suspicious, underlined twice.

Muku stared at the staircase, visible for now at least.

"I guess he gotta," he says, and creeps down.

Now, nothing good has ever come from creeping down a darkened staircase of a creepy magic club. As a rule, Muku avoids it. But for better or worse, he suspects that whatever is going to solve this mystery is contained in the flickering candlelight of...

…

…

"What the fuck?" he asks.

The room is dimly lit but Nina is visible at a table of alchemical paraphernalia, her body hunched over a smoking concoction that looks like she's pulled it straight from hell, a bubbling mass of quivering, viscous, red slime that roils inside a dark pot over an open flame, filling the space with the smell of musk and...lightning?

Nina's eyes glow with purpose, and she holds the pot up, shouting.

"And with this lock of precious hair I conjure the physical and emotional mirror of my beloved Flik! Be the knight of my womanly dreams! Fulfill every fantasy I have carried in my heart! Be mine, in all ways!"

She produces the lock of hair and drops it into the pot and the room flash with light and heat and desperation. Muku steps back, contemplates running right then, because he's sure he doesn't want to see what happens next, but it's like he can't look away. The slime has transformed into a pinkish, undulating mass the size of a bear, its features humanoid, its hair blond, the marshmallow-esque face the sideshow nightmare mirror of Flik's. It's naked, of course, and its flaccid, bulbous cock hands down to the floor, almost the size of Muku himself.

"Oh Sir Flik, love me!" Nina says, at which point Muku just can't take this het shit.

"Kinni shoot that abomination immediately," he says, and Kinnison doesn't hesitate. An arrow takes the creature—the abomination, in what should be its throat, but it only makes it angry.

Nina turns to them, eyes like fury runes burning into them.

"How _dare_ you!" she screams.

And the creature reacts, roaring like a lion crossed with a dinosaur. Three more arrows take it in the chest and face but it charges all the same. Muku reacts on instinct, launching himself into the air and striking...Nina's enraged face. With a muffled yelp she falls to the floor, unconscious, and the creature stops mid-stride, its mockeries of eyes darting back to its creator. Muku takes the chance and bounds up, aims for the arrow protruding from its neck and hits it with a sharp kick like snuffing out a cigarette, driving the shaft deeper into its yielding flesh.

Bingo. The creature reels back, pudgy arms clawing at the wound but unable to extract the lethal missile. With a final terrifying screech it collapses on the floor, its body quivering long after it was obvious it had died. Muku sagged. Fucking mages. Fucking mysteries. Fucking...

"Ah, I see it's ready," comes a voice from the stairs, and Muku and Kinnison turn to see Hai Yo and three of his assistants standing there. Muku shivers as the chef gazes down at him as if sizing him for a casserole.

"What do you—" Kinnison starts, but Muku cuts him off.

"It's all yours, freakshow," Muku says, and watches as Hai Yo waves the assistants toward the creature's corpse.

"Excellent, excellent," the chef says, steepling his fingers as he observes the transport. "Well, please tell dear Nina that I'll be back same time next week. And please, if _you_ ever feel like stopping in to—"

"Not on your life," Muku says.

Hai Yo shrugs, and Muku watches as he leaves with his assistants and what is undoubtedly the secret ingredient in the castle's meatballs. He shudders.

"So what now?" Kinnison asks, glancing from the now-empty stairway to the unconscious form of Nina.

Muku wants to her arrest her on principle, but doesn't actually know the legality of...whatever the fuck that just was. And fuck does he need a drink. And a cigarette. And a hard fuck.

"Now I'm pretty sure I'm a vegetarian, too," Muku says, and walks with as much dignity he can up the stairs.

 

**Case Closed**


End file.
